Not Sure....

I've tried having a blog before and kept up with it for a while, but then really let it go.  I didn't feel that anyone read it so I felt that it was superfluous.  Because it seems that venting helps others, I'm going to try it as well so I'm trying to "blog" again to perhaps aid myself in trying to create a better life.

Since I really don't think many people if any will read this, I'm going to be extremely honest considering how secretive I usually am.  Maybe by just putting my problems out there for "anyone" to see will help me to deal with them in better way.  I'll start off by saying that for over 6 years I have dealt with moderate to severe depression and anxiety and after I had Hunter a bad case of postpartum depression.  For those who do not know a great deal about depression, it is when the typical sadness that someone experiences when say a death in the family occurs lasts longer than the usual time.  This sadness can last anywhere from over two weeks since the event happened to lasting for years.  Without help from medication or counseling/therapy many people do not recover from this mental illness and lead very limited lives.

So here's a little explanation of my depression and anxiety...because each case is different.  I don't know what exactly made me sad to begin with...whether it was the fact that I wouldn't be able to go home to visit my family very much after I got married or just a suppressed problem finally surfacing, but I just could not stop being sad about everything and anything.  I no longer felt joy in anything and all I wanted to do was cry or sleep.  I finally realized there was something wrong and sought help when I read an article that a cancer survivor wrote and I thought, if only I could have her life...immediately I thought what is wrong w/ me?!?!  She has had cancer and I want her life...there is just something not right here.  So I went to my regular medical Dr and began my journey through many different types of antidepressants in hopes of trying to "cure" my depression.

Lately, I've come to an impasse where my meds are just not cutting it anymore and I have realized that I need more help because my problems are starting to consume my life.  I am going to meet with a Christian counselor on 9-21 and I'm hoping that this will be a good addition to my medication.  I've sought out a Christian counselor specifically because I know that God will take care of me as long as I have faith in Him...with my depression and anxiety fogging up my outlook, that is something that I sometimes have a hard time remembering.